Reply to "Curious in Colleyville"

One of our esteemed readers (Anonymous) has posted a question regarding my status as a Ninja. Now, as I have already explained, Ninja's are supposed to be like secret agents. If I told you I was a Ninja, it would not be a secret anymore. I will tell you this much. Someone that looks a lot like me will be touring the USA in the Spring and teaching several ancient Ninja skills. The first class will include the Kuji-in "nine finger cuts" to use while driving in freeway traffic. The second will go into the mind control and meditation techniques that allow Ninja to nap with eyes open while answering boring questions from people who want to know about Ninjas. The third class is a big-time secret and will be revealed only while under the influence of Sake as the sun rises over Mt. Fuji. Of course, the date of the Mt. Fuji class is a secret too, so we don't anticipate a big rush to sign up. I hope this answers your question "Anonymous."

Recruiting Mt. Fuji Climb Team

I'm giving you fair warning ... July & August are miserably hot in Tokyo; but, it is the only time of year that one can climb Mt. Fuji. I am putting together a Mt. Fuji climb team. I hear that grandmothers and children make the climb... Of course, maybe they start out as children and are grandmothers when they finish it. I also hear that it takes about 10 hours and it is best done at night so that one can be on the top for sunrise. Maybe I should clarify these rumors before we start climbing. But, just in case, start training now and join the team ... a free shot of Sake for all team participants that make it to the top .... A very expensive medical evacuation helicopter ride for those that don't make it. For further details, send your inquiries to barbarasmith@austin.rr.com

Forget the Year Party

So you've had a bad year????? The Japanese solution at the end of the year is to have something called a "Forget the Year Party." I personally think this is a great idea. I will be in Austin to see family and friends so will miss the festivities here in Tokyo. I guess that means I have no excuse to drink myself into forgetfullness....

"Ask a Ninja" Chosen by Forbes as One of the Top UTube sites

I'M SURE THIS SITE HAS EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT NINJA'S


#1 THIS ONE ANSWERS THE QUESTION AS TO WHETHER A NINJA CAN BE KILLED


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IR68W56DCBU&feature=related


#2 THIS ONE ANSWERS THE QUESTION AS TO WHETHER A NINJA CAN CATCH A COLD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kO_u-knoehM&feature=related



BOTH ARE VERY SILLY....

...

1 COMMENT:
Anonymous said...
Now it's all making sense! You are a Ninja! How long have you been a Ninja and does your family know?
-Curious in Colleyville

.

The Ninja Restaurant:

If your only reference to Ninjas was when you saw "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," then you will need to be brought up to speed to fully appreciate our evening.

The black-robed, black-hooded Ninja is the martial arts version of the CIA and Spiderman. The origin of the Ninjas is hotly debated but some say they were "so-called rebels favoring Buddhism who fled into the mountains near Kyoto as early as the 7th. century A.D." They were organized into highly secretive groups that were structured around particular families, with their techniques passed down within that family. Ninjas relied on stealth tactics and some fairly gymnastic martial arts moves to fight larger groups of well-armed enemies. They also used some "magical" tricks to play with the enemy's mind as well as make a quick escape.

When we stepped through the door of the Ninja restaurant, we found ourselves in a small black room. A Ninja met us and made the appropriate Ninja mudra to welcome us. The mudras are called Kuji-in or 9 finger "cuts." These are special hand positions that the Ninjas use to focus their mind and activate their Ninja power. Our guide was really "activated." We then proceeded through a hidden door to reach what I call "Ninjaville." To get there, we followed our Ninja through a black passageway, down a series of steps, and at one point a draw-bridge dropped down to allow us to cross a "river." This was sort of like going through the fun house at the circus - not very convincing but fun nonetheless. Once we had crossed the bridge, we found ourselves in a small Ninja village. The individual "houses" were where the diners were seated - and of course, everything was dim, black and made of wood, bamboo, and stone. Our "house" had 2 small tables and a lily pond with water flowing through bamboo spigots.

The menu was elaborate - according to one source, there are over 100 dish choices. I didn't count.

I started off with a special apertif called "The Cleopatra." It was a tiny drink that had what looked to be real "gold" flakes on the top. It was supposed to contain a beautifing collagen ingredient from bird's nests. I feel SO Pretty!!!!

For the meal, I chose a "set," which has the many courses listed below. Greg chose safety in a steak ... and the show began...

All of the courses were teeny-tiny and served to be shared - with only about 2 bites in every course...

Course 1: Shuriken shaped crackers. The Shuriken was a flat
metal, star-shaped ninja weapon.
Shuriken were designed to hit the enemy then bounce off.
The enemy then assumed he was stabbed by an unseen opponent,
thus the Ninja reputation for invisibility. They make tasty crackers,
especially when combined with Course #2.





Course 2: A tiny little square white thing that had the consistency of Tofu but was
not....

Course 3: A little drum shaped pastry, called a "Ninja Jack-in-the-Box" that had
to be broken open with chosticks. It seemed to have some sort of salad
with fish eggs inside.

Course 4: A prickly, Conch-type shell. The Ninjas were known for their use of gun
powder and the Conch shell had a fuse coming out of it. Unfortunately
for the little critter inside, our Ninja lit the fuse. The
ensuing table fireworks cooked the shellfish and we promptly ate him.






Course 5: A tiny shot glass on a scale-type contraption. The shot glass was on one
end of the scale and a ball of ice was on the other end. The ball of ice
changed colors - from red to green and back again. I still don't know
exactly what was in the shot glass - I was told it was some
sort of liquid cabbage concoction.















Course 6: Soup. The Ninja brought a large, lidded bamboo steamer to the
table. She stuffed it with various greens and a slice of meat. Then she
dropped a VERY hot rock into the steamer.
The soup cooked in only a few minutes. Yum.

Course 7: A piece of ice candy to clear our palates - tasted like frozen grapefruit
popcicle.

Course 8: Tempura, the little fried vegetables that Japan is so well known for.

Course 9: Greg's steak came out at this point....Oh my goodness...I have NEVER
tasted such a tender piece of meat - all 4 bites of it.

Course 10: A little dish with some sort of veal casserole - another delicious
4 bites.

Course 11: Sushi rolls made with raw fish and shrimp

Course 12: Dessert - sort of a jello consistency with cream poured over it
and two TEENY TINY red berries on the top

Course 13: Tea

Course 14: Entertainment!!!! But first a little background on Ninja techniques:


The Ninja utilized a variety of weapons and tricks - especially those using gunpowder. Smoke bombs and firecrackers were widely used to aid in escape or create a diversion for an attack. They also used small "bombs" known as "eye closers." These were filled with sand and sometimes metal dust. This sand would be encased in hollowed eggs and thrown at someone, the shell would crack, and the assailant would be blinded.

A very creative form of trickery involved the use of Ashiaro which were wooden pads attached to the ninja's tabi (thick socks with a separate "toe" for the big toe). The ashiaro would be carved to look like an animal's paw, or a child's foot, allowing the Ninja to leave misleading trails for trackers.

Then there was the small ring worn on a Ninja's finger called a shobo. In hand-to- hand combat, the shobo, which had a small notch of wood on it, would be used to hit assailant's pressure points. It could even cause temporary paralysis - sort of a Ninja version of Dr. Spock's "Startreck Vulcan neck grab."

...Back to the entertainment course...We had our very own Ninja magician who did some really "cheesey" magic tricks and ended with a failed card trick. When he was not able to "guess" our chosen card, he suddenly pulled out his Ninja knife to commit "hari-kari," the ritual Japanese suicide. Luckily for all of us, it was a collapsing knife. That could have ruined a very wonderful dinner.

My interest in the Ninjas has definitely been piqued....I could use some of their disappearing techniques ...and all those firework distractors and the leaving of fake footprints could have helped while raising children. When I return to Austin, I envision teaching a Community College class entitled "Ninja Parenting & Stealth Tactics."

Star Wars Storm Trooper Dancing in Tokyo

http://starwars.yahoo.com/videos/dancing-stormtrooper-version-1

Don't you just love it how everyone runs when the stop light changes....enjoy

Japanese Marriage Proposal: Click on the Cartoon to Enlarge It for Reading

I have been trying to figure out what is going on between Japanese men and Japanese women...I'm wondering how close to the truth this cartoon is....

Don't forget to click on the cartoon to enlarge it for reading....

I'm Getting a Little Concerned About Our Heating Bill

Went to Jusco this week and they had set up a new display...There were tables with blankets on them - and I'm talking about tables with down comforters - not just a long tablecloth...Looks like you sit down and sort of "tuck yourself in." Does that just mean that it gets cold here - or does that mean it gets cold here AND it costs too much to keep your mansion heated???

Kabuki Theater: We Need This For Our Political Campaigns: Or, The Japanese Opera and Heavy Metal Have a Lot in Common

It was a bit rainy on Saturday and the "Dancing Elvises" were not in front of the park, so what's a girl to do???? Go KABUKI!!!!




I went over to Kabuki-za, Tokyo's premiere Kabuki Theater, for performance of this traditional artform. Apparently, these things go on for hours. Thankfully, they are broken up into small plays for folks that don't have a day and evening to spend at Kabuki. I bought a ticket for a 1 1/2 hour set and went and "set" myself down.

My first impression of Kabuki was that "Someone has slammed the cat's tail in the door. Please put that cat out of its misery..." And, to make matters worse,the howling cat is accompanied by a guy on an out of tune metal-stringed guitar that can only play 3 notes.....Help!!!! I've still got an hour and 29 minutes to go!!!!

OK, that is probably what some folks say about Opera and probably what our parents said about Heavy Metal rock concerts. So I slapped myself on the face a few times and decided to see what was really happening on stage....

Kabuki was, of course, developed before the days of microphones. The characters depend upon other measures to get their point across to the audience. First of all, they have perfected the art of make-up. The faces have a white base of rice powder with greatly exaggerated, colorful facial expressions (Think of "Kiss," live in concert.) The colors used give a clue as to the role of the actor. Red is for passion, heroism, and other positve traits. Blue or black represent villainy, jealousy, and bad guys. Green is supernatural and purple is for nobility. The other clue to the personaliy is his "mie," a pose that a particular actor assumes to establish his character. (If you are on Interstate 35 and see someone flipping other drivers off, that is probably his "mie.") In addition, the acting is melodramatic to the extreme. There is no problem figuring out who's who.

The Kabuki that I attended was the story of a shy artist who was going to have to commit Hari-Kari (suicide) because he was such a failure. He is fortunately, or unfortunately, married to a VERY talkative wife who goes to plead his case before the local nobility (think Purple Face). Alas, there is no hope. He's just a lousy artist. At that point there is a great dance number performed by a character with a sword, representing the artist's upcoming demise. He was dancing in cotton shoes so there was a musician on the side who hit a board on the stage - to mimic the sound of the dancer's steps on the road. This was very cool.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch ... there has been a lot happening on the stage itself. The Japanese high-tech stages date back to the 18th. century and are quite elaborate. From the set, there are walkways that extend out into the audience - for dramatic entrances and exits. There are also trap doors, revolving sets, and wires - in the event that someone needs to fly (Mary Martin in Peter Pan probably got her idea from Kabuki). There are also these little mime-guys in black who are supposed to be invisible. They come out and move things; but, their most important job takes place when an actor suddenly unmasks his true personality. They rush out on stage and change the actors costume to match the new personality revelation.

But I digress ... back to the story.... When faced with his death, the artist becomes inspired (some of us only perform under stress). He creates a work of art that brings everyone on stage to tears. There is LOTS of crying and sobbing going on. In fact, this crying and sobbing goes on and on and on. Maybe they forgot their lines or something. For the grand finale, the little mime-guys dressed in black come out and change the artist's costume - for the artist is now transformed by his brush with death and his talent is finally recognized. This was true drama, the story of us all - we're not quite good enough - but death is facing us so we scurry to produce our artwork - and rejoice at our ultimate triumph when little mime-guys come to change our clothes in public. I'm not sure how that last part fits in....

All in all, it was a most interesting afternoon and, despite my tongue in cheek comments, I was extremely impressed with the talent of the actors, dancers, and musicians. Even in a foreign language the passion of the story rang true.

Most importantly, after meditating upon the nature of Kabuki, I was suddenly struck with a GREAT idea for applying Kabuki theater in the USA. This would be a terrific format for Presidential Election Debates! Candidates would be required to have their faces painted so that we could have color-coded clues about their personalities and true agendas. The trap doors would help us drop pesky people from the debate floor. And, best of all, we would have the little mime-guys in black rush out and change the candidates clothes when their true natures begin to show. Because some of the candidates might be changing clothes as often as a 98 pound model in a Paris fashion show, it could be very entertaining. I'll guarantee that the American public would tune-in enmasse for the Kabuki Kampaigns. Let's go KABUKI!!!

Ki-iki-jutsu: "The Breath of Life" or Stopping a Heart Attack With Your Hands

According to the little known Asian health practice called Ki-iki-jutsu, which means "breath of life," you can stop a heart attack by placing your right fingertips on the person's fifth thoracic vertebra (midway between the most prominent parts of the shoulder blades on the back) and, with your left hand, hold the little finger of the person's left hand. They say it takes 2 - 4 minutes for results. I hope you never need to do this but, if it works, it will be time well spent while you wait for the ambulance to arrive.

This Japanese food looks AWFUL but ...

So why aren't we all eatting this????? Well, duh, it looks AWFUL.... What are those stringy, gooey things anyway??? This supposedly tastes like cheese but I have avoided it like the plague. I guess I'll have to try it now....


A researcher at University of Chicago's Medical School has discovered that a traditional Japanese dish made from fermented soybeans, called NATTO, dissolves blood clots with no side effects. It stimulates your body to produce more of its own clot-dissolving plasmin. It lowers blood pressure and unlike Coumadin, won't make your blood too thin, no matter how much of it you eat.....

World's Top 10 Most Livable Cities by the International Herald Tribune

Tokyo wins the TOP place for a BIG city and the # 4 place overall. Here's what they said:

"Integrated transport, breathtaking technology, great service, & the best bars make this our top big city. The real Tokyo for the most part confounds expectations. Visitors are rarely prepared for the other side of the city, so unlike its raucous alter ego: The quietness of the subway, the peaceful residential streets, the old-fashionedness of the place."

I would have to agree with the above. I was totally unprepared for the quiet, peaceful atmosphere and lovely people that are so patient with foreigners.

A Little Swaying Going On

Another Earthquake....not in Tokyo but we felt it a little

Don't Drink the Water and Read the Prayer Boards: What to do at a Shinto Shrine

I have been to several Shinto Shrines. The first time I was by myself. When I entered through the gate, there was a beautiful stone well of water, carved with fabulous twisting dragons, and with what looked like a little drinking cup resting on the side. It was SO hot and miserable and the water looked SO cool and inviting and there was no one around...sooooo, I almost took a quick sip. I am sooooo happy I did not take that sip. Apparently, there is a purification protocol to follow upon entering a Shinto shrine....

I learned the proper protocol later with a tour group, while visiting one of the major Shinto shrines in Japan.

There were three gates at this shrine. Passing through the first gate rids one of evil spirits (which is the evil within oneself).

Passing through the second gate is for purification - And this is where the beautiful stone well of water is positioned. To properly purify oneself, you pick up the little cup and pour water over your left hand, then pour water over your right hand, then pour water INTO your left hand, then drink the water from your left hand - BUT don't swallow it - just swish it around and then spit it into the designated spitting place...and don't miss.

Now that you are purified you can enter the actual shrine by passing under the third gate.

Once inside, there are several rituals to choose from. You can pay a few yen and write your prayers on a little board. It is then hung up on a wall for all to see. There were some great prayers - the usual requests for millions of dollars, for Ferraris, and for true or not-so-true love - but my favorite was "To heal Pam's heart."

Just beyond the prayer wall was the actual shrine. After approaching the shrine, you clap 3 times, throw your offering of coins into a grilled area, then clap 3 more times..... and that's all there is to it ....

The main lesson I learned from visiting Shinto shrines is "when you're in a foreign country, don't drink the water till you see what the natives do with it..."

... Of course, this protocol does not explain what Shintoism is...and it is a very important concept for understanding all that is Japanese....

Shinto is the native religion of Japan. It's ways of thinking are deep in the subconscious fabric of Japanese society. The emphasis is placed on fitting into this world - Fitting into your group is VERY important in Japan. You do not want to be the "nail that sticks up" because you will be hammered down. Shinto has no absolute commandments for its adherents outside of living "a simple and harmonious life with nature and people."

1. Tradition and the family: The family is seen as the main mechanism by which traditions are preserved. Their main celebrations relate to birth and marriage. By the way, they are REALLY into the big, white Western style wedding dresses here.

2. Love of nature: Nature is sacred; to be in contact with nature is to be close to the kami - thus the beautiful Japanese gardens.

3. Physical cleanliness: Followers of Shinto take baths, wash their hands, and rinse out their mouths often - The bath is one of the most essential rituals of the Japanese - that's why I have that button in my kitchen to fill up my bath tub while I cook dinner.

JAPANESE RELIGION AND PHILOSOPHY...TO BE CONTINUED

Making Rice Balls With the Franciscans

In the heart of Tokyo Mid-Town, just blocks away from the Ritz Carlton Hotel is a Franciscan Monastery. This week I showed up for one of their Rice Ball making sessions. Hundreds of these Rice Balls are made to be given to the homeless that sleep in the nearby subways. It's quite an operation. Every day a group of people show up at the Franciscan kitchen to help. The sticky rice has been made the night before. We are each given a rice mold which has 4 triangular cut-outs in it. Water is smeared all over the inside of the mold so that the sticky rice won't "sticky" to the sides of the mold. The rice is squashed into the mold and of course you try to squash as much as possible into the mold so that it will hold it's shape. The person that eats it will get more rice that way also. After sufficient squashing, we poke our finger into the middle of the Rice Ball and put a beautiful red plum into the hole - they look like cherries to me.

The group that I worked with were very interesting and quite nice. There were the wives of some Disney Tokyo consultants, the wife of an Otis Elevator executive, a chef from the Ritz Carlton, and I can't remember the info on the other women - at that point, I had to pay attention to my Rice Ball making ... Afterwards, all decided Starbucks was in order - with further discussion on thoughts about living in Tokyo. One woman was pregnant with her first child - due in a month. The big discussion was how she would get to the hospital when her labor begins. It was decided that the subway would be faster than a taxi. I'll let you know what happens....

Salt - The Newest Trend in Seasoning

Decided to head over to Roppongi on Sunday and do some exploring. Roppongi is where all the Ex-Patriots and Westerners hang out. It is a very nice part of town and many of the Embassies are located in the surrounding area. They also have some great international grocery stores - the international versions of Whole Foods.

I had a very short shopping list. In fact, only one item. I needed Salt. How hard could this be???? Very hard. There were 60 different types of salt - believe me, I counted them all. There was Jurassic Salt, Sicilain Salt, Italian Salt, French Salt, Alpen Salz, Moon Salt, Bonin Salt, Sel Marin de Guerand, Liquid Salt Water, Black Salt, Green Tea Salt, Homemade Pinkish Salt, Pahar Rock Salt, Himalayan Salt, and on and on. I chose Pahar Rock Salt because it was such a pretty pink color with cute black speckles. It's probably best that I don't know what the cute black speckles are....

After the "Salt Escapade," I had to re-energize with some food tasting. The problem with food tasting in a store like this is that there is no way to politely choke and spit the food out. The Japanese have NO trash cans anywhere. It's either down the throat or into your purse. You cannot believe the things that I swallowed with a smile.

Food Winners and Loosers of the Week - Who Says Fish Bait Doesn't Go on Salad?

Looser:

We ended up in a restaurant with no English spoken and no pictures on menus. When in doubt, the "Special" is usually a good choice. This time it was not a good choice. A beautiful plate was placed before us. It had a baked potato-sized lump covered with with a light pink icing sort of "stuff" and lightly sprinkled with bright red fish eggs - this was not in the caviar category - this was in the fish bait category. The fish bait tasted just like fish bait. The icing "stuff" had a soy flavor - not too bad....and underneath were avocados - not too bad....but underneath that was raw, ground meat... who knows what kind of meat it was. I tasted it and Greg actually ate it. This leads me to believe that there is good reason that women live longer than men.

Sort of Looser:

After the raw meat, this looked good. The salad was beautiful. It had teeny, tiny little red fish eggs all over the top. They still tasted like fish bait.

Looser:

Freshness Burger. A really bad hamburger at the Japanese version of a fast food restaurant. The restaurant is called "Freshness Burger" also. There is a reason McDonalds is doing so well here and it is because of Freshness Burger.


Sort of Winner:

Amino Supli. As you can tell by the name of this drink, Amino Supli, the Japanese love to add "English" names to things. Who knows what Amino Supli means but it sounds good. It even tasted pretty good. It was a watered down grapefruit, orange, lemon type canned drink. I would buy it again.

Winner:

Anna Miller's American Style Pies. This was a Pennsylvania Dutch restaurant with the Amish style logo of "Cookin' Lasts, Kissin' Don't" on their cute take-away boxes. This place gets a 3 YUM rating (YUM, YUM, YUM).

Hazukashi: I'm so embarassed...

"Hazukashi" is a great word to know. It means "I'm so embarassed." Little children often say it when their parents try to make them speak in English to foreigners. Parents are the same everywhere aren't they????

It is also a great word to know when one is trying to get away from a street hawker and one finds herself (in this case "me")in the middle of a busy intersection - crowds of people on one side of the street, crowds of people on the other side of the street - all patiently waiting for the light to change - and trying to ignore the crazy woman who is out in the middle of the street holding up traffic. At the same time all the taxis and cars are patiently - and QUIETLY - waiting for the crazy woman to get out of the middle of the street - no one honks or screams. If I would have known how to say "Hazukashi" it could have helped to fill the silence.

Another time that "Hazukashi" would have come in handy was when I nearly tripped the blind man who was trying to get onto the train. He put his cane right between my feet. It was all I could do to keep from falling out onto him. I was not sure what the penalty would be for "blind man tripping" and did not want to find out.

Though I have heard negative comments regarding Japanese services for the handicapped, they seem to go to great lengths to assist the disabled in getting through the mass transit maze. All of the walkways have patterned strips of bumps on the flooring that lead to entrys and exits - as well as to boarding areas for the trains. Somehow I'm always on the wrong side of the bumps... Even more imaginative are the sound systems at the boarding areas. Each station has it's very own tune that plays when the trains are coming and going. The tunes sound like a cross between a Christmas music box and the a Merry-go-round at the circus - very happy, sweet notes. Believe it or not you can hear these little songs because Japan is a very quiet place. This is a land of introverts who place the highest priority on "not disturbing your neighbors." Everyone sits on the train very quietly. Cell phone use in public places is frowned upon and there are recordings to remind you of this. Instant messaging is the norm here - too bad I can't figure my phone out. When I hear my phone ringing in my purse, I look around and act like it must belong to someone else....Hazukashi....

Eyeball, Bowel, & Taiwan Foot Reflexology Massage

While out wandering, I found a shop that offered Eyeball, Bowel, & Taiwan Foot Reflexology Massage....How could I pass that up....

The foot massage was pleasant but rather intense. First they soaked my feet in a hot water machine for 5 minutes. That felt luxurious. Then the massage itself began. It consisted of finding the acupuncture points on the feet and pressing them REALLY hard. You can tell which ones need working on because they are the ones that REALLY hurt. She would press points and then, when I jumped, she would concentrate on the point that caused me to jump. She worked on my heart, kidneys, digestion, legs and feet (since I had a broken ankle last spring), as well as my brain (do I seem less demented now????). When it was over, I felt great - but maybe that was because she was not squeezing the spots on my feet anymore.

Then came the Eyeball Massage. That was supposed to be for vision as well as the face and head. It felt very weird. I was hoping that she would not pop my eyeballs out of their sockets. She said when she worked on my eyes that she could feel that I had a lot of Ki (the Japanese word for Qi - or Chi - which in Chinese Medicine means energy) and she wondered if I had been doing something to build Ki. Any of you that have HAD to hear me talk about my Qigong studies will know that, yes, I have been working to build my Qi for years. I was so glad to know she could "feel the Qi." The other alternative is that maybe the Qi from the eyes develops when you become a "mother." You mothers out there know just what I am talking about - when your husband or children are not behaving, there is "The Look." "The Look" can instantly locate it's prey in a room full of people and is capable of traveling thousands of miles through cell phones - not to mention what it can accomplish via email. "The Look" is a mommy version of Kung Fu.

Last but not least came the Bowel Massage which involved kneading all of the organs of the stomach - a bit like what the Chinese call Twai Na. She said that my stomach seemed to have trouble "heating up" (well "duh" - ice cream and beer are served cold) and therefore I seem to have sluggish digestion. That must be why I have that extra waistline padding.

She said maybe I need a few more sessions and gave me a "frequent buyer card." When I have ten sessions, I get 2500 Yen of free sessions. What a good deal - the "good deal" must be ingrained in the human DNA - even on the other side of the world, people love a bargain.

Saturday Night Fever Japanese Style or Billy Bob's Tokyo Rodeo

This is a very popular exercise machine. It can be found in any department store and there are always people in line to test it out. People take this machine quite seriously. They put their feet in the stirups and go through all the usual horseback riding paces - trot, canter, gallop. It's quite hysterical but the brochure says that it will help your golf and tennis game - so they sell a lot of them. As a pilates afficianado, I would say it probably helps to strengthen your core...For those of you that had deprived childhoods and never got to ride the bucking bronco outside the grocery store - here's your chance. Someday I'm going to have to saddle up and show them how it's done....Yeeehaw!

News from Japan

Japan's Prime Minister Shinzo Abe resigned.

The world's oldest man who is Japanese celebrated his 112th birthday.

Commuters were delayed on their way to work when a man accused of being a
"groper" jumped down onto the tracks during rush hour.

"Little Bit Bad Boy"

Learning a foreign language can be a tedious and lengthy task - and unfortunately, the language books never have the really helpful phrases. While I am laboring over "Nice to meet you," Greg, ever the pragmatist, has leapt ahead to the important stuff - like "choi wa ru." This is apparently a phrase taken from a crazy and popular TV show. It means "little bit bad boy." "Now really," I said to myself, "when can that phrase be of much help?" Well.....

Greg has become very popular at the hotel snack shop....when he goes in to buy beer and candy, he smiles at the check-out girls and says "Choi wa ru." They love him!!!

Alright, but when will I ever use that phrase? Well ......

A few days later, I am having a wild cab ride to Jusco. Suddenly the driver slams on the brakes and begins to apologize..."Sorry, policeman there." With my new found language skills I smartly retort...."Choi wa ru - Little Bit Bad Boy!" The cab driver is still laughing hysterically when he drops me off 10 minutes later....hmmmm, I wonder what I really said!?

Put Your Prom Gloves On and Watch Out For the Guys With Missing Fingers

It is hotter than hell in Tokyo during the summer. I am so happy I got a perm before arriving - that way I look like a drowned poodle instead of a drowned rat. This summer broke the all time records with a heat index of 114 degrees and a real temperature of 104 degrees. There is a reason all those ancient Japanese paintings show the lovely ladies with their rice paper parasols and fans. They probably had handkerchiefs stuffed up their big sleeves too.

When you are a visitor to Tokyo in the summer, it takes only a few days to realize that umbrellas and fans are not just for impressing the tourists. I now have my sun umbrella, my rain umbrella, 2 fans, and 4 beautifully colored Japanese handkerchiefs (which are really sweat rags). Even the men carry fans - one of the most popular is a freebie from SoftBank phones. The serious sun-avoiders wear the old 1960's style prom gloves - to keep from getting a tan on their arms. They cut the fingers off the gloves so that they can ride their bikes without slipping.

Speaking of "missing fingers" ... If you work for the Japanese Mafia and make a mistake, your punishment is to have part of a finger cut off. If you make another mistake, they cut more of your finger off, and so forth. Eventually, if you are really dumb and make a lot of mistakes, you just end up in the bay with cement shoes. So, if you see guys walking around with missing fingers, just remember that they probably received "B's" and "C's in Mafia 101.


PS: So far I have lost 2 umbrellas.

The Japanese Mansion of 57 Buttons

Lunch in the Mansion



View from the Mansion of 57 Buttons:


We are now in an apartment - called a Japanese "Mansion" - about 60 square meters - smaller than my daughter's college apartment. It has traditional sliding doors (Made of opaque plastic rather than rice paper these days) to separate the sleeping area from the living/dining room. We are sleeping traditional Japanese style - on futons on the floor - till we can figure out if there is a bed for a 6 ft tall American that can fit into the room - I'm not optimistic.

I've decided that the reason all those Asians do so well in school is because of the set up in their apartments. There are 57 control "buttons" in our apartment - almost one per square meter. I am about brain dead from trying to turn on the lights. My TV remote control back home is child's play compared to this. They include a control in the kitchen to automatically fill my bath at a certain time of day and to set my preferred bath water temperature... My washer/dryer plays a tune by Bach to tell me when it's finished the cycle... And there is a woman who speaks to us in the bathroom to tell us that the hot water is turned on. Greg is still trying to figure out where she is hiding.

The "Mansion" is in the Shinegawa area of Tokyo - to be close to Haneda Airport for Greg's work. We have a few pilot friends but most other residents in the area are Japanese with little English spoken. There is a park across the street with a Tokyo version of Austin's 360 Bridge - an arched pedestrian walkway over to Tokyo's World Trade Center area.

Unfortunately, our internet service is not working and our phones are local. Japanese holiday and vacation month is in August so no one is available to set up communications for us ..... It is a very strange feeling to be so cut off from everyone - I'm so used to instant email or phone. I have to take a cab some distance to get to an internet cafe or pay phone for now.

The "Mother of All Parties" at "The Good Chicken" Restaurant

In celebration of Greg's new Captain position, his Japanese and American cohorts meet for a party. (It is customary for the Japanese men to go out drinking together after work or to celebrate work milestones.) Along with the male compatriots, we are joined by Sarah, a young American woman that helps to translate and manage the ANK office. We are also joined by our daughters, Adrienne and Reagan, who are visiting us in Tokyo. In their words - and they should know a good party because they are such devoted college students - "That was the BEST party we have EVER been to..." (PS: Sarah took Adrienne and Reagan out to experience "Roppongi," the Tokyo nightlife the night before).

Here is the set up....We take a number of trains to get to who knows where in Tokyo and end up in a maze of little narrow streets. We then proceed to drink hot Sake and beer while we wait inside a tiny restaurant with about 4 tables and no one that speaks English. Keep in mind that I am with "the super-models." Adrienne and Reagan, as you know, are quite tall and blond and stand out wherever we are.... Greg eventually shows up with Seto, from ANK, and we follow them to a door that looks rather non-descript. We go inside and up a steep stairway. It feels like we have stepped into a Shogun movie. The decor is very beautiful ... rough, simple, natural stone and smooth wood. Of course we take our shoes off. We are escorted into a private room with a big rectangular hole in the floor and sliding doors. The table is set down into this hole and we are seated around it on cushions. Then the eating and drinking begins...

We soon find out why the restaurant is called "The Good Chicken." We eat every part of the chicken except the feathers, beak, and the feet for dinner. Two especially interesting chicken parts are the cartilage and the skin. In the US (when you buy a chicken breast with the bone in) it often has the rubbery, pointed cartilage still attached. In Japan, this part of the chicken is considered to be very tasty and good for the skin. It is sliced up into pieces and put on a skewer with bits of chicken in between ... very crunchy. Then there is the chicken skin which is brought out to us in a large, thin sheet. You hit the center of it with your chopsticks and it breaks into pieces that look a lot like tortilla chips ... also very crunchy. I am trying to figure out how all these Japanese people stay so skinny. There is NO low fat food here and lots of fried food. All meat is served with skin and fat ... and they eat the skin and the fat. There is no such thing as a boneless, skinless chicken breast in any restaurant or in any grocery store. The meal goes on forever with lots of courses and lots of alcohol.

About half-way through the meal we notice that the waiters always know when to bring in the next course. There is a big "game-show" sized button in the middle of the table that we can press whenever we need more alcohol but we have not had to press it yet. Then our Japanese hosts point out the fact that there is a hidden camera up in the corner of the room. We all begin to make faces and gestures at the camera and, sure enough, a waiter shows up immediately.

By now, we have imbibed enough Sake to loosen the tongue. This is also part of the typical Japanese celebration...the emotional speeches. Every person gives a speech -including Adrienne, Reagan, and I. At this point, "Bobby" calls. He is working and unable to attend the festivities. Adrienne, Reagan, and I are all asked to speak to "Bobby." Poor "Bobby." There is nothing worse than talking on the phone to a bunch of inebriated people that think they are funny. Then everyone uses their cell phones to take pictures of everyone and we use our digital cameras.

Ishi decides to tell my fortune - to see whether I will have a happy life. I hold my hands out and he puts charcoal on the top of my hands. If the charcoal goes through to the palm of my hand, I will be happy. Somehow the charcoal ends up in the palm of my hand and we all sigh with relief...I will be happy. Then Ishi does chopstick tricks for all of us.

At this point, Greg leaves to try to pay the bill before the Japanese can get to it. He wants to give it as a thank you gift for the support and encouragement they have given him during his transition to Japan. They, on the other hand, are very stressed about this and a cultural argument ensues. From their point of view, it is insulting for Greg to pay. Sarah negotiates a compromise - and when Greg finally accepts cash from them, everyone yells "Roppongi!" intimating that we now have enough cash for another wild night on the town... but really, there is nothing that can top the evening we have just had at "The Good Chicken."

Welcome to ANK and the Ironies of Life

Greg is now a Captain for the Japanese airline, ANK. The ironies of life never cease as we have just observed the anniversaries of the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki ..... and the Japanese celebrate their annual August vacation season and fly to Hawaii by the hoardes.

Big 5% Sale at Jusco

August 19: Big 5% Sale at Jusco Department Store.

I am shopping for essentials for our apartment. I can only buy things that have pictures on the label. I never realized how hard it is to be illiterate. I can't tell if I'm buying salad dressing or dish soap.

PS: I can't believe it. The Halloween decorations went on display today.

997 Earthquakes to Go

Just counting the earthquakes that I notice..... out of the 1000 earthquakes a year, I've got 3 down and 997 to go.

Incredibly Strange Japanese Inventions Sent to Me By Blog Reader Bill Chancellor

Match the picture to the invention ....

Standing Aid for Sleeping Commuters; No More Runny Noses; Get Rid of Your Butter Knives Forever; You Won't Get Splashed by Passing Cars; Eye Dropper for Dummies; Noodle Cooler....

Pushers, Sleepers, and Gropers

The Famous Bullet Train

The train is essential for travel in Tokyo. Here are some tips that can make it a more pleasant experience.

Tip A: Don't take the train when it is crowded.

OK, let's get real, the train is always crowded.

Tip B: Beware of Pushers, Sleepers, & Gropers


1. PUSHERS are the people whose are hired to squash more people into the train. The train is properly packed if (a) You cannot read a book because you can't turn the pages (b) You cannot itch your itchy place (c) You can sleep standing up.

2. SLEEPERS are everywhere on the trains. There is even a book about how to assess the seated Sleepers on the train - so that you can be in position to nab their seat when they reach their stop.

Some of the book's general guidelines are:
(1) If the head is down and they are drooling, they are not near their stop.
(2) If the head is back with open mouth, they are not near their stop.
(3) If they are looking straight ahead with eyes closed, they could be getting close.
(4) If they begin to straighten their hair, they are very close.
(5) If they begin text messaging after sleeping, they are very close.
(6) If you can, listen to their conversations - maybe they will mention their stop.

Once you have found a potential "Seat-Leaver" stand very close to the person but position yourself in a place that does not block their exit. At the same time, position yourself to block other "Seat-Grabbers" who want to get to the seat before you. Move quickly as they stand up to further block the seat.

Sometimes SLEEPERS don't wake up till the end of the train line - either because they are sound asleep or because they are drunk. If it is late at night, the only way home is by taxi and that can be very expensive. To accomodate these wandering carousers, the Japanese have come up with pay-by-the-hour "Capsule Hotels." Imagine a giant Tylenol PM capsule. Now imagine crawling inside of it. I have been assured that they are very clean and comfortable. Somehow though, when I think of people sleeping in capsules, I am reminded of very cheesy Sci-Fi movies with the Queen Bee waiting for the lavae to hatch from the hive.

3. Last, but not least, are the GROPERS. The trains can be so packed that it is very easy to "accidentally" grope unmentionable body parts of fellow passengers. This phenomena has gotten so out of hand (no pun intended) that, during rush hour, there are separate train cars available for women only. The men like this as much as the women because, unfortunately, there are unscrupulous people who are in need of a little extra cash. It takes several people to set up this scam. First, the young woman yells "wolf." Then her companions back up her accusations and threaten to turn the so-called Grouper in - unless he pays them for their silence. You get the picture...To combat this, you will see men traveling with their hands up or crossed over their chests - and all this time I thought it was some esoteric Eastern meditation pose....

998 Earthquakes To Go and Wardrobe Malfunctions

Picture in Motion...


There are 1000 earthquakes each year in Japan. We just had two today. Greg and I woke at about 4 am and realized that the pictures and light fixtures in our room were swinging back and forth. It's a little like being at sea - except that your're on the 11th. floor of a hotel instead of a cruise boat. All of the hotel rooms here are equipped with flashlights ... now we know why. Once I figured out how to turn on our flashlight, and we had called to alert Adrienne and Reagan (who were sleeping in the room across the hall), I began to try to convince my family that they should assess their wardrobe choices carefully before going back to sleep - "Greg, those shorts are totally unacceptable," and "Girls, do you really want to run screaming out into the street and be photographed by a BBC reporter in those clothes?" Sort of gives a new meaning to the words "I wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit."

Not Exactly Lost In Translation ... How About Enhanced in Translation

Two translation enhancements that I have run across....

By the Americans:
Town of Fukuoka is often misprounounced as Fuk U O K ???

Misprint in Flight Manual:
Take-off preparations "1. Cock in place"

McDonalds Part I: You Deserve a Break Today...................................................... and McDonald's Part II: SuAnne Big Crow & Geronimo

SuAnne Big Crow & Geronimo



Sometimes when you are in a foreign country, you need a break. You need a break because:

1. You have not been able to get in or out of a door for the entire day without two or three tries - Is this a push, pull, tap, hit, bang, kick, or "minor explosive needed" door-opening device ?????

2. You urgently need a ladies room and you open the door to find a ceramic hole in the floor - and you really don't have the time to figure out what you're supposed to do next.

3. You have been playing Japanese Roulette at the restaurants one too many times and ended up with a plate of crispy baby sea-creatures that are looking up at you with their sad little eyes...

4. You went through the Exit at the train station and some big gate thumped you across the kneecaps. You made it through anyway - and nobody caught you - but there was all that adrenalin rush and fear - like what if I can't get back out of here because I've gone in the wrong way without a ticket...I can see the headlines now..."Texas Cowgirl Arrested for Gate Crashing: She Must Be Attached to the US Diplomatic Corps"

5. You need a break because you are not used to "thinking" so much. Do realize how much of our day revolves around auto-pilot????? There is no auto-pilot in a foreign country....

That's when the little jingle goes off in your head...."You deserve a break today at McDONALD'S !!!!!!" OK, I know this is bad - I've been here barely a week and I'm hiding out in my sunglasses behind a book at McDonald's - hoping that I don't see anyone I know - no joke, that would be just my luck - here I am ready to bite into a Big Mac and someone says "Aren't you Greg Smith's wife??? " Of course they'll tell him later - "I saw your wife at McDonald's today." That's as bad as having the Donut man know your name.....

McDonalds Part II: SuAnne Big Crow & Geronimo

(PS - As I told Dwooley, this excerpt actually relates to the birds and shops I have seen in Tokyo - I promise I will warn you if I start copying chapters of War & Peace for your entertainment)


Anyway, I work through my anxiety attack about being discovered at McDonald's and begin to read my book. (That is the other way to get a break in a foreign country...read a book that has nothing to do with that country - or so you think at the time - I am finding that everything is related.) I am reading "On the Rez" by Ian Frazier, who was the author of the National Bestseller "Great Plains." For you "Honkies" out there (or "Gaijin," as the Japanese would say)"Rez" is short for "Reservation."

I am reading the chapter about SuAnne Big Crow, a high school girl from the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota, who was a basketball phenomenon in the late 1980's. Here is her tear-jerker of a story with excerpts from Frazier's book. I have left the name of the South Dakota city out of the story - I have good a good friend in SD and want to keep her - you hear that Rita?)

"In the fall of 1988, the Pine Ridge Lady Thorpes went to (-----)to play a basketball game. SuAnne was a full member of the team by then. She was a freshman, fourteen years old. Getting ready in the locker room, the Pine Ridge girls could hear the din from some of the fans. They were yelling fake-Indian war cries...As the team waited in the hallway leading from the locker room, the heckling got louder. A typical kind of hollered remark was 'Squaw!' or 'Where's the cheese?' (The joke being that if Indians were lining up, it must be to get commodity cheese); Usually the Thorpes lined up for their entry more or less according to height, which meant that senior Doni De Cory, one of the tallest, went first. Today no one remembers exactly what was said but Doni looked out the door and told her teammates, "I can't handle this." SuAnne quickly offered to go first. She was so eager that Doni became suspicious. 'Don't embarrass us." SuAnne said, 'I won't embarrass you.' Doni gave her the ball.

SuAnne went running onto the court dribbling the basketball, with her teammates running behind. On the court, the noise was deafeningly loud. SuAnne went right down the middle; but instead of running a full lap, she suddenly stopped when she got to center court. Her teammates were taken by surprise, and some bumped into one another. SuAnne turned to Doni and tossed her the ball. Then she stepped into the jump-ball circle at center court. She unbuttoned her warm-up jacket, took it off, draped it over her shoulders, and began to do the Lakota shawl dance. SuAnne knew all the traditional dances, and the dance she chose was a young woman's dance - graceful and modest and show-offy all at the same time. And then she started to sing in Lakota, swaying back and forth in the jump-ball circle, doing the shawl dance, using her warm-up jacket for a shawl. The crowd went completely silent. 'All that stuff the fans were yelling - it was like she reversed it somehow,' a team-mate said. In the sudden quiet, all you could hear was her Lakota song. SuAnne stood up, dropped her jacket, took the ball from Doni, and ran a lap around the court, dribbling expertly and fast. The fans began to cheer and applaud."

"In an ancient sense which her Oglala kin could recognize, SuAnne counted coup on the hecklers...'It was funny,' Doni De Cory said, 'but after that game, the relationship between (----) and us was tremendous....Later, when we went to a tournament and (----) was there, we hung out with the (----) girls and ate pizza with them. We got to know some of their parents, too. What SuAnne did made a big impression and changed the whole situation...."

In later years, SuAnne went on to lead her girls' basketball team to win a state championship. (When interviewed by a reporter, with her usual sense of good humor, SuAnne quipped that the story needed to be titled "Tragedy at Sioux Falls" ... a tongue-in-cheek reference to Tom Brokaw's recent bleak reservation story called "Tragedy at Pine Ridge" that somehow missed any reference to the good things happening on the reservation.) SuAnne was chosen to be part of the National Indian Basketball Team and performed in the USA, Europe, and Australia... She was an excellent student with scholarships to top schools across the US. Unfortunately for all of us, in February of her Senior year, SuAnne died, reservation-style, in a car accident. She and her mother were on their way to Huron, South Dakota, for the Miss Basketball award banquet. The award is the state's most prestigious for girls' basketball, and SuAnne was one of the nominees.

SuAnne's vision was to go to college and return to Pine Ridge to help her people. She had often talked of an ideal place she called Happytown - where kids could go and hang out and have fun and not get in trouble. In the year following her death, her mother, along with support from the tribe and private contributors, established the Big Crow Center which is now affiliated with the Boys' and Girls' Clubs of America - the first chartered on a reservation.

"To count coup means to touch an armed enemy in full possession of his powers. The touch is not a blow, and only serves to indicate how close to the enemy you came. Counting coup was an act of almost abstract courage, of pure playfulness taken to the most daring extreme. There's magic in what SuAnne did, along with the promise that public acts of courage are still alive out there somewhere..."

...Now flash back to the fact that I am reading this to you from McDonald's in Tokyo and I am trying to keep from bawling - because there are NO pigeons here in this part of Tokyo - I am surrounded by BIG BLACK CROWS - SuAnne Big Crow has counted coup here in Tokyo today - I get up, walk back toward my hotel, window shopping along the way - and there is a Geronimo T-shirt in the window.....

Counting Coup:
US = McDonalds & CocaCola
Japan = Toyota & Sony

Icky what????

Imagine a flower pot shaped like an alien space ship - then have the aliens hanging out the windows of the space ship waving at all the folks in Roswell - and you have a very unique flower arrangement - or what the Japanese call the art of Ikebana.

Yesterday I took a one hour train/subway ride to the Institute for Ikebana. Getting there was sort of like tryiing to find Area 55 (or whatever that top secret testing ground out in Nevada is called).

This is how Ikebana classes work. First you take a number, then you inspect the rows of flowers, sticks, and branches that are available for the day's class. Whoever gets # 1 gets first pick - if you get a high number, you have to be really creative because you're going to end up with some weird combinations. There are mainly housewives in the class and this is what they do instead of drink coffee and play bridge - so they all know each other. Just add the margaritas and it would be the St. Michael's mom volunteers...

Back to Ikebana: It starts out with a demonstration by THE MASTER (who is a woman). Each class has a theme - I never could figure out what it was. THE MASTER puts a big, black, pyramid shaped vase on the demonstration table and, with a theatric flourish, inserts ONE huge flower into it. Then she chooses someone from the audience to come up in front of the class and choose a second plant stem to add to hers....This is really high drama folks .....The person in the hot-spot chooses from a huge array of options, then carefully snips and bends their choice and places it into the vase with THE MASTER's stem. THEN they are given a microphone and have to explain the emotions and feelings that they wanted to portray in the Ikebana....it is better than Doctor Phil...Thank goodness they did not call on me. I just felt like throwing up - I think I had heat stroke from the train/subway ride in the 99 per cent humidity.

Now if that was not enough, the next thing on the agenda was that we got to arrange our own flowers. I had a teacher to help me because I had never done Ikebana before. I did pretty good - especially since she did most of it for me...The next part of the class was fun. We all wandered around and looked at everyone else's arrangements. All I can say is WOW. I have never seen so many beautiful flower arrangements. They were breathtaking.

Just when I thought it was safe to get back in the water - THE MASTER shark comes back. The grand finale of the afternoon is just getting started. THE MASTER will now inspect each arrangement and offer her personal critique of the work. One very nervous girl that I met was being tested that day on her Ikebana. (In Ikebana, there are levels - like in Karate). She said she was hopeful she would pass because THE MASTER seemed to be in a good mood. Anyway, the students follow THE MASTER around and congregate around the arrangement to be critiqued. THE MASTER pulls off a leaf, moves a branch here and there, and everyone "oooo's and aaaa's." What is amazing is that THE MASTER is right - it really makes a difference. When THE MASTER came to mine she took pity on me, snipped a few leaves, moved a branch, and said something nice - she probably knew her assistant did all of the work for me - and she didn't want to loose a good assistant. I got my First Belt in Ikebana - a little sheet with a red stamp on it - I can now defend myself against muggers with a sunflower stem.

Texas Tornado Tussles with Tokyo Typhoon or How to Flush a Japanese Toilet

I knew I was in for trouble when I tried to use the toilet in my hotel room. It has 7 (SEVEN!!!!!!!) different buttons - including heating and deoderant features. It also has 3 (THREE!!!) cautions marked with big XXX"s - I guess that means I'm using a Triple X-rated toilet. One of the 3 X's cautions me of danger of electrocution and instant death if I get water on the controls - that is one way to get people to not miss the toilet.... Thank goodness there is an emergency phone in the bathroom.... The toilets are made by a company called "Toto" (We''re not in Kansas anymore, Toto)

Dedication

Everything worth reading always has a dedication - so here goes:

I dedicate this blog to all my relatives and friends out there that will take the time to read my Tex/Jap blog .... I also dedicate these exciting chapters to my two daughters .... but the real dedication goes to my husband who has coerced me into taking this journey with him.