Icky what????

Imagine a flower pot shaped like an alien space ship - then have the aliens hanging out the windows of the space ship waving at all the folks in Roswell - and you have a very unique flower arrangement - or what the Japanese call the art of Ikebana.

Yesterday I took a one hour train/subway ride to the Institute for Ikebana. Getting there was sort of like tryiing to find Area 55 (or whatever that top secret testing ground out in Nevada is called).

This is how Ikebana classes work. First you take a number, then you inspect the rows of flowers, sticks, and branches that are available for the day's class. Whoever gets # 1 gets first pick - if you get a high number, you have to be really creative because you're going to end up with some weird combinations. There are mainly housewives in the class and this is what they do instead of drink coffee and play bridge - so they all know each other. Just add the margaritas and it would be the St. Michael's mom volunteers...

Back to Ikebana: It starts out with a demonstration by THE MASTER (who is a woman). Each class has a theme - I never could figure out what it was. THE MASTER puts a big, black, pyramid shaped vase on the demonstration table and, with a theatric flourish, inserts ONE huge flower into it. Then she chooses someone from the audience to come up in front of the class and choose a second plant stem to add to hers....This is really high drama folks .....The person in the hot-spot chooses from a huge array of options, then carefully snips and bends their choice and places it into the vase with THE MASTER's stem. THEN they are given a microphone and have to explain the emotions and feelings that they wanted to portray in the Ikebana....it is better than Doctor Phil...Thank goodness they did not call on me. I just felt like throwing up - I think I had heat stroke from the train/subway ride in the 99 per cent humidity.

Now if that was not enough, the next thing on the agenda was that we got to arrange our own flowers. I had a teacher to help me because I had never done Ikebana before. I did pretty good - especially since she did most of it for me...The next part of the class was fun. We all wandered around and looked at everyone else's arrangements. All I can say is WOW. I have never seen so many beautiful flower arrangements. They were breathtaking.

Just when I thought it was safe to get back in the water - THE MASTER shark comes back. The grand finale of the afternoon is just getting started. THE MASTER will now inspect each arrangement and offer her personal critique of the work. One very nervous girl that I met was being tested that day on her Ikebana. (In Ikebana, there are levels - like in Karate). She said she was hopeful she would pass because THE MASTER seemed to be in a good mood. Anyway, the students follow THE MASTER around and congregate around the arrangement to be critiqued. THE MASTER pulls off a leaf, moves a branch here and there, and everyone "oooo's and aaaa's." What is amazing is that THE MASTER is right - it really makes a difference. When THE MASTER came to mine she took pity on me, snipped a few leaves, moved a branch, and said something nice - she probably knew her assistant did all of the work for me - and she didn't want to loose a good assistant. I got my First Belt in Ikebana - a little sheet with a red stamp on it - I can now defend myself against muggers with a sunflower stem.